Ostomy Community

I was googling about stoma and found something interesting. stoma is something to divert your faeces from your colon into the exterior. basically there'll be a bag containing faeces on your abdomen. imagine that. quite horrifying if that happens to me. and I always wondered how patients feel with their shit hanging like that for everyone to see. even if u can hide it, some people can still smell something. it turns out that there's a website like http://www.meetanostomate.com/ where people with stomas can meet other people with stomas. there's all sorts of help groups nowadays. i never imagined that there could be one(sure there's more) for ostomates!!! i wonder whether there's a place for doom medical students.

Past

past is long forgotten replaced by thoughts of only yourself.

homesick

i wanna go home right now. tell me where can i find Dorothy's shoes. im not sure whether Im really homesick, I just dont wanna be here right now.

yeah i postponed the 30 day blog challenge. like anyone reads it

Day 6- your celebrity crush

this post I can't do because I don't have a celebrity crush right now. I've passed this phase quite some time ago. In 3 weeks I'll be having my exam. I dunno what i have been doing in surgical posting all this while. feel so lost and dumb. wasted. it'll be the saddest Christmas ever

Day 5- when was the last time u did something for the first time

well I've only done it once. it was somewhere in August I think. I was so nervous. I was excited. I have been waiting for it for quite some time. I know that it would hurt but it would be worthwhile. and no it wasn't sex. hahaha I conducted delivery of a baby. well not really conducted. more of assisting and learning. I went in the delivery room and saw that a mother whose cervix was about 7 -8 cm dilated was just brought into the delivery room. once the nurse had given me permission, I got ready the trolley and the equipments that should be placed on it on standby. I helped the student nurse to count the number of contractions every errrr....was it half an hour. i cant rmmber hee~ in between, I gave some back rub (a technique I learnt from another student nurse) to help relieve the mom's pain and giving her some encouragement. before I know it the baby was crowning, and the staff nurse came in to the rescue. i placed my hands where the nurse instructed me and together with her pulled the baby's head out. once it was confirmed that there was no cord around the baby's neck the whole body came out easily. the baby was crying which is good. i clamp the umbilical cord. I was so nervous. i think my body's reaction to the whole baby coming out of the birth canal was so slow that only when the baby was out my heart was thumping and my hands shaking. I took a syringe to take blood sample from the cord. I totally hold it the wrong way together with the cord. If it wasn't for the nurse who reminded me to not hold the cord, I would have prick my finger too if I went too deep. surely enough with my hands shaking i put the needle into the umbilical vein and went straight through the whole cord and hit the bedding -.- i was like oh no so stupid. i hope nobody saw me did that. before i knew it, a nurse was laughing and shouting at the top of her voice "HAHAHAH SAMPAI KENA TILAM!!" i was like so -.- but I didn't mind much. It was funny, I would have laughed too if I wasn't so scared. then I took out the placenta using the controlled cord traction. before doing that we need to look for signs that the placenta has loosen up from its attachment site such as oozing of blood from the vagina, lengthening of the cord and rising of the fundus of the uterus which can be felt by feeling the abdomen. once the placenta was out, i checked it for any signs that there are some missing parts that could be left behind. once everything was done, I helped the mom into a new set of clothing and sent her baby and her to the postnatal ward. Her baby was perfectly normal and it was a girl. I told the father that he just had a baby girl. however, he seemed disappointed as he was hoping for a boy since their first child was a girl. he should have seen his wife in labour and realised that having a boy or girl really doesn't matter. It's a miracle that his wife was able to push something like a watermelon through a very small canal and both watermelon and her survived.

Day 4- Idea of a perfect date

okay so I'm half an hour late in doing this. cos i had to study first and go to secret recipe . well about two years ago, I had the idea of a perfect date down to every single detail, although I can't rmmber all now. first he has to pick me up and bring me to eat! it cant be any kind of food. It has to be made by him. we would be enjoying our meal under a tree in a beautiful park or at a beach. there has to be tall Portuguese egg tarts too!(funny I've only eaten those made by chinese Msians). well basically a picnic. however the weather has to be perfect. not too hot and not raining either. then we would take a stroll somewhere and just talk about anything. we HAVE to play kite too! what's a date without flying a kite. then, we would have ice-cream. well that was the rough idea I had. unfortunately Surprisingly, the perfect date didn't have all that. I only needed YOU! :-)

btw, I learnt how to draw a line across words! haha. always wondered how people did that *noob*

Live in the moment that lasts a lifetime

we couldn't be more different

when I smile, you frown

when you frown, I smile

when I'm awake, you're just about to lay your head on the pillow

when I'm sound asleep, you're working as hard as an ant

sometimes you make me so angry I feel like i need to punch something or bawl my eyes out

sometimes you make me feel so lovely, I wish time just stop right then

usually you're MIA but that's okay I'm used to it

we couldn't be more different

I've been told countless time that I'm just wasting my time

but that's okay because whenever i look at you, it never fail to make me think that it's worth every second

doesn't matter the outcome. I'll handle it later.

day 3 recent activity

okay so i skipped day 2. I was kinda busy and I dont really have a nice photo of my family where everyone is in it. so today is day 3 . my recent activity would be going to the clinic and seeing some patients. Me n iqa stayed longer and managed to see a case of hernia, hepatomegaly (enlarged liver) and skin tag and some goiter. earlier today I presented a case of intestinal obstruction and it was a disaster. i suck at doing physical examination. I gotta practise more. ok i gtg now. nothing really inspiring to blog about.

30-day blog challenge from Deanona

so im totally bored right now, although grateful cos I'm at home and not at that place. so I"m gonna try to do this 30-day blog challenge I found here http://deanona-89.blogspot.com/2010/11/30-day-blog-challenge.html

today's challenge would be 15 facts about me. so here goes.

1. I used to be fat like around 12-15kg heavier than I am now. having trouble losing weight? Join a medical school. you'll be on your path to anorexia and enlightenment within your second year

2. When I'm stressed out I feel like spending money. Well not all the time, only when I can

3. I'm eating my mom's pasta right now

4. When I was a kid, I thought I was a princess

5. I love to eat egg tarts especially those really tall ones, I dunno how to describe

6. I don't know how I do it but I tend to break/spoil things easily. I guess I'm very rough with things but definitely not with people. My bro says that it's heroes power and it works best on electrical stuff

7. I have naturally curly hair but now I have unnaturally straight hair

8. Im supposed to be studying but I love to procrastinate.

9. I love peppermint ice-cream

10. My favourite birthday cake was an ice-cream cake when I was nine. somehow i remembered it to be so heavenly

11. some people close to me thinks I'm bossy. I might i have the potential to be a queen control but something is holding me back

12. I never fall for people of the same kind.

13. I fell in love with New Zealand when looking at a calendar when I was about 10

14. I'll be spending Christmas all by myself this year.

15. I'm a fun-loving person. I like to go out and see the world and experience it.

Phew finally!

Patient Care

this morning I went to the Female Surgical Ward to attend a bedside teaching. while waiting for the lecturer to come, I approached a patient in her 50s lying on her bed. She told me that she injured her head and her loin area because she fell off a bed in a clinic. it is really unfortunate for her, going to a clinic to seek treatment but ended up hurting herself more. I didn't find her case interesting but she certainly was. when i was about to leave, she gently hold my right hand in between hers preventing me from leaving too soon . she told me in Malay to belajar baik-baik and jadi doctor baik with sincerity in her caring eyes like I was her daughter. I felt all sort of things in that moment. I felt awkward receiving such err... motherly affection from a total stranger. Part of me thought that maybe she really bumped her head quite hard. but i was probably just not use to such kindness from strangers. we're just brought up to be careful with people; strangers or even loved ones that I really didn't expect such a kind gesture. She really gave me hope that maybe this human race might be able to survive after all. God bless her.

Struggle

i don't know how much longer i can hold on. is it really worth it? i used to not have doubts

A Student's Prayer

nobody understands how i feel. why would anybody care. they got their own stuff to worry about. nobody really wants to work together. it's a shame.

A Student's Prayer Creator of all things, true source of Light and Wisdom, lofty source of all Being, graciously let a ray of Your Brilliance penetrate into the darkness of my understanding and take from me the double darkness in which I have been born, sin and ignorance. Give me a sharp sense of understanding , a retentive memory, and the ability to grasp things correctly and fundamentally. Grant me the talent of being exact in my explanations, and the ability to express myself with thoroughness and charm. Point out the beginning, direct the progress, help in the completion. Through Christ our Lord. St. Thomas Aquinas

hehe the second prayer is catchy and has a sense of humor and probably relates to me more.

Bliss

sometimes i wish i can time travel and relive it again

^.~

Guilt

whenever he calls (he rarely calls me but can be considered frequent compared to last time I was away), i would feel a deep ache in my gut. Guilt. do I have any reason to feel this way?

DREAMS

when you find a dream in your heart. don't ever let it go. because dreams are seeds from which beautiful tomorrow grows

i-can't-think-of-a-title

whenever, he has exams, i feel like I'm having exams too.. that is just too many exams for me to handle. i miss the times when we could go out whenever and not be worried about not studying. being in 3rd year is quite tiring and thinking bout being a house officer can be terrifying sometimes.

kids..

right now, almost everyone is going back to kuching to enter the faculty's sports event. unfortunately im not one of them. cos i have my end of posting on monday. oh well. i rmmber last year's event. i entered futsal (i never play futsal before) and netball (err...not my kind of thing). surprisingly my team won futsal (because my other team players were good) pejam kelip mata it has already been four months in this town. I'm not expecting much for this posting. Im just praying that a miracle will happen this monday and tuesday. hopefully next posting which is Surgery will be better. Paediatrics is a stressful posting. just like kids, it is unpredictable. i was practically lost in this posting. but i got to meet patients and mothers and grandmothers that touched my heart. kids that have cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, and even premature babies require attention almost 24/7 . heck even perfectly healthy children do. it is a tough job being a guardian of a child. it may seem that the child is totally dependent on his/her caretaker. but in reality the caretaker would be somewhat disable without the child. i have to get back to studying now

blah

it's a week before my end of posting. and i'm cracking like an egg. i remember the feeling during my first EOP exam. waiting for your turn in the cramp waiting room is the worst feeling ever. feeling of impending doom. need to pray n pray.

Sleep

No matter how long I sleep, (and I have been sleeping pretty long) those panda eyes never seem to go away. You know those panda eyes that really can make you look tired even though you're not. the horror of eye bags. I think i got them sometime during last year. At first i thought it was because i was using a not so good moisturiser which doubles as a whitener. Although I have been off that brand,(because i heard it has awful long term bleaching effect) those eye bags are still there. I guess panda eyes are here to stay for another reason despite me having adequate or should I say excessive sleep. I don't normally sleep for like 10 hours straight. yeah kinda too long but that's because I'm having my holidays. But today I woke up unusually early to go for a morning walk. Despite having less sleep I don't feel sleepy or groggy as expected. Sleep is a funny thing to me. You lay your head on a soft pillow and fall asleep. before you know it, it's the next day. what happened to those long hours. Sometimes you rmmbr weird visions like seeing a toilet in a middle of a talk full of your lecturers and find yourself getting up to pee but unable to do so due to people peeking. Yeah that's one of the weirdest dream that I had several days ago. And sometimes you don't even rmmbr anything. those are the times were you truly rested. Sleep is time to escape from everything. you can't think, at least not consciously , nothing bothers you except dreams. Dreams which can't really bother you much because they aren't real. But sooner or later you have to wake up. I have to wake up to reality and face it. I'm not sure how but I know I will. you see I know because I have something called faith. that's another topic altogether which I'll save for another day cos it's already time for my 'escape' :)

Love

A best friend once told me that you can't love others unless you love yourself first. it sounded logical to me a year ago but now i know what it really means. besides, it's not like anyone actually notices or appreciates what you do for others, sometimes not even the person herself.

This is me now

I fucking hate assignments. Exams are much easier.

Bad day

Have you ever had a day where you woke up and wish you hadn't? be cause you just knew it's not gonna be a great day. Call me ungrateful if you must but today is one of those days.