kids..

right now, almost everyone is going back to kuching to enter the faculty's sports event. unfortunately im not one of them. cos i have my end of posting on monday. oh well. i rmmber last year's event. i entered futsal (i never play futsal before) and netball (err...not my kind of thing). surprisingly my team won futsal (because my other team players were good) pejam kelip mata it has already been four months in this town. I'm not expecting much for this posting. Im just praying that a miracle will happen this monday and tuesday. hopefully next posting which is Surgery will be better. Paediatrics is a stressful posting. just like kids, it is unpredictable. i was practically lost in this posting. but i got to meet patients and mothers and grandmothers that touched my heart. kids that have cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, and even premature babies require attention almost 24/7 . heck even perfectly healthy children do. it is a tough job being a guardian of a child. it may seem that the child is totally dependent on his/her caretaker. but in reality the caretaker would be somewhat disable without the child. i have to get back to studying now

blah

it's a week before my end of posting. and i'm cracking like an egg. i remember the feeling during my first EOP exam. waiting for your turn in the cramp waiting room is the worst feeling ever. feeling of impending doom. need to pray n pray.

Sleep

No matter how long I sleep, (and I have been sleeping pretty long) those panda eyes never seem to go away. You know those panda eyes that really can make you look tired even though you're not. the horror of eye bags. I think i got them sometime during last year. At first i thought it was because i was using a not so good moisturiser which doubles as a whitener. Although I have been off that brand,(because i heard it has awful long term bleaching effect) those eye bags are still there. I guess panda eyes are here to stay for another reason despite me having adequate or should I say excessive sleep. I don't normally sleep for like 10 hours straight. yeah kinda too long but that's because I'm having my holidays. But today I woke up unusually early to go for a morning walk. Despite having less sleep I don't feel sleepy or groggy as expected. Sleep is a funny thing to me. You lay your head on a soft pillow and fall asleep. before you know it, it's the next day. what happened to those long hours. Sometimes you rmmbr weird visions like seeing a toilet in a middle of a talk full of your lecturers and find yourself getting up to pee but unable to do so due to people peeking. Yeah that's one of the weirdest dream that I had several days ago. And sometimes you don't even rmmbr anything. those are the times were you truly rested. Sleep is time to escape from everything. you can't think, at least not consciously , nothing bothers you except dreams. Dreams which can't really bother you much because they aren't real. But sooner or later you have to wake up. I have to wake up to reality and face it. I'm not sure how but I know I will. you see I know because I have something called faith. that's another topic altogether which I'll save for another day cos it's already time for my 'escape' :)

Love

A best friend once told me that you can't love others unless you love yourself first. it sounded logical to me a year ago but now i know what it really means. besides, it's not like anyone actually notices or appreciates what you do for others, sometimes not even the person herself.

This is me now

I fucking hate assignments. Exams are much easier.

Bad day

Have you ever had a day where you woke up and wish you hadn't? be cause you just knew it's not gonna be a great day. Call me ungrateful if you must but today is one of those days.

IT'S A SCARY WORLD N IM JUST A GIRL

This morning I received a text message from my sister to wait at the bus stop near my faculty and she's on the way. So I hurried down and on the way nearing the bus stop, i saw my 4th year buddy, Atkin who was on his way to cut his hair. I wanted to ask him to wait with me at the bus stop because i didnt want to wait alone. However, i decided not to in the end. So i waited. The traffic light changed from green to red n back again. 5 minutes passed and soon it was i dunno maybe 20 minutes. but it seemed longer. Then, a car with army men(since they were dressed in the soldier outfits) passsed and make annoying sounds. cis so memalukan the nama tentera only. I felt like giving them the finger but it's not the smartest thing to do, is it especially when you're alone. Few minutes later, a motorcycle stopped infront of me out of nowhere. i really didnt see him coming. The rider was wearing aviator shades with the silver reflective sort of lens. (i wonder whether it was Ray Ban). prolly not though. he was a middle-aged man n he was holding out a folded piece of paper. it was really tiny. and started talking to me. like i know. i started freaking out. he mumbled something about nak berkenalan (puh-lease) saje and in that paper was his phone number. he asked me who i was waiting for and i dunno why i even answered him saying i was waiting for my kakak. then i panicked and stood up and walked behind the bus stop though i dunno whether 1 meter away would make much difference. and he started pleading and i said "saya rasa kamu patut beredar sekarang. i dont talk to strangers". i was hoping that by conversing in english he would somehow leave me alone for some reason. Thank God he gave up and left after that. it finally occur to me now that i should have seen his plate number but it never crossed my mind then. Not even 5 seconds later my sister finally arrived. and i was like PHEW! I wont wait at bus stop alone anymore if i can avoid it.