Water Runs Dry..

thought/song of the past month: Lets don't wait till the water runs dry, we might watch our whole life passes by, we'll make the biggest mistakes of our lives. Don't do it baby...

Manic Monday

Currently in Orthopaedics posting. I'm mentally, physically and most unfortunately emotionally drained. i hate the latter state the most. I almost wished it never happened if I knew you'll be like this. Today I kacau 3 patients and all of them are spine cases. i hope the doctor won't choose me to present. and worst part is we're not allowed to look at paper while presenting. gahh.

us

‎"How small a porton of our life it is that we really enjoy. In youth we are looking forward to things that are to come; in old age, we are looking backwards to things that are gone past". My friend put this as her status last night and I do agree with it. Im doing both right now but I wouldn't say Im looking forward to the future, im worried bout it. I'm constantly worried bout our future. In fact Im worried whether 'we' will cease to exist together. if we do then all of it would be for nothing. Im not sure how we are together now but I guess it's better than nothing. I wanna tell you things but you tend to brush it off by saying things the way you understand. But I don't agree with you. I don't want things to go the way so -called fate will determine it. Don't I have a say in my life? I do believe that God has it all planned but I also believe that He takes our choices and opinions into account. Right now, Im just hoping my prayers will come true. I know you're doing this just so it'll be easier for me and maybe for you if we do have to part. But it won't work. It would hurt just like it ought to. Nothing can make it hurt less. Nothing you can say or do. this way, you're only making me hurt earlier than I ought to. I'm just asking you to make us last as long as possible and as pleasant as possible like in the past which I do miss. when you had hope. I don't know how to say all this shit to you, cos we'll probably end up fighting and re-runs of what I said and what you said. I doubt you would read this because the last time I checked you don't read my blog.

sibu hospital

i've finally moved back home. but is it really home. anyways, i've just ended year 3 and thank God I've managed to pass and come back in one piece. many things happened during year 3. it's definitely more challenging in terms of examination since there the whole long case and short case thing that we medical students really dread most. i went through many things like watching and conducting deliveries, talking to total strangers(patients) and asking them the most intimate details of their lives, crying my eyes out right after exam and being comforted by a total stranger (how embarrassing). it's funny how even a stranger would care sometimes even more than a friend. one of the things that I liked most about being a medical student is I get to meet all sort of people. doctors, nurses, students, and all kinds of patients. there are many kind of doctors. doctors who are really nice to patients but very mean to their juniors, doctors who are just plain nice, and doctors who are plain mean(well maybe they had a rough day). nurses who willingly sign your logbook and teach you stuff, and nurses who just refuse to sign your logbook although u did all the stuff and can be mean to patients too. hmmm i sound really judgmental. who knows i might even turn out to be more mean than any of them. it's really hard not to be mean sometimes. I met alot of patients, most of them were very poor. most of the poor ones were from O&G and paeds ward. alot of girls married young and have babies at a very young age. i think the youngest i met would be 15. and some at 18 already were having their 2nd or 3rd child. and later on I would find out that they have to share RM500 to feed more than 5 mouths. i spent more than that each month when I was there. I really couldn't imagine how they got by. some really were not getting by which led to kids getting really ill and had a very long stay in the hosp. mmm ok that's all for now. my fren asked me to get tumblr. but it's really hard for me to throw away things. like really i would even keep movie tickets. so im not sure whether i should leave o' blogspot.

2011

time really flies. it's almost two whole months into 2011. I always look back into a time in the past, and wish i'm stuck in that moment. although experience wasnt really that long ago, it would seem like it was forever. for example lunch with you. although it only has been 2 hours ago....ok not really sure what im rambling about. it's not even about 2011 as the title suggest. but I'll do that another time.im outta here.

Ostomy Community

I was googling about stoma and found something interesting. stoma is something to divert your faeces from your colon into the exterior. basically there'll be a bag containing faeces on your abdomen. imagine that. quite horrifying if that happens to me. and I always wondered how patients feel with their shit hanging like that for everyone to see. even if u can hide it, some people can still smell something. it turns out that there's a website like http://www.meetanostomate.com/ where people with stomas can meet other people with stomas. there's all sorts of help groups nowadays. i never imagined that there could be one(sure there's more) for ostomates!!! i wonder whether there's a place for doom medical students.

Past

past is long forgotten replaced by thoughts of only yourself.