Sleep

No matter how long I sleep, (and I have been sleeping pretty long) those panda eyes never seem to go away. You know those panda eyes that really can make you look tired even though you're not. the horror of eye bags. I think i got them sometime during last year. At first i thought it was because i was using a not so good moisturiser which doubles as a whitener. Although I have been off that brand,(because i heard it has awful long term bleaching effect) those eye bags are still there. I guess panda eyes are here to stay for another reason despite me having adequate or should I say excessive sleep. I don't normally sleep for like 10 hours straight. yeah kinda too long but that's because I'm having my holidays. But today I woke up unusually early to go for a morning walk. Despite having less sleep I don't feel sleepy or groggy as expected. Sleep is a funny thing to me. You lay your head on a soft pillow and fall asleep. before you know it, it's the next day. what happened to those long hours. Sometimes you rmmbr weird visions like seeing a toilet in a middle of a talk full of your lecturers and find yourself getting up to pee but unable to do so due to people peeking. Yeah that's one of the weirdest dream that I had several days ago. And sometimes you don't even rmmbr anything. those are the times were you truly rested. Sleep is time to escape from everything. you can't think, at least not consciously , nothing bothers you except dreams. Dreams which can't really bother you much because they aren't real. But sooner or later you have to wake up. I have to wake up to reality and face it. I'm not sure how but I know I will. you see I know because I have something called faith. that's another topic altogether which I'll save for another day cos it's already time for my 'escape' :)

Love

A best friend once told me that you can't love others unless you love yourself first. it sounded logical to me a year ago but now i know what it really means. besides, it's not like anyone actually notices or appreciates what you do for others, sometimes not even the person herself.

This is me now

I fucking hate assignments. Exams are much easier.

Bad day

Have you ever had a day where you woke up and wish you hadn't? be cause you just knew it's not gonna be a great day. Call me ungrateful if you must but today is one of those days.

IT'S A SCARY WORLD N IM JUST A GIRL

This morning I received a text message from my sister to wait at the bus stop near my faculty and she's on the way. So I hurried down and on the way nearing the bus stop, i saw my 4th year buddy, Atkin who was on his way to cut his hair. I wanted to ask him to wait with me at the bus stop because i didnt want to wait alone. However, i decided not to in the end. So i waited. The traffic light changed from green to red n back again. 5 minutes passed and soon it was i dunno maybe 20 minutes. but it seemed longer. Then, a car with army men(since they were dressed in the soldier outfits) passsed and make annoying sounds. cis so memalukan the nama tentera only. I felt like giving them the finger but it's not the smartest thing to do, is it especially when you're alone. Few minutes later, a motorcycle stopped infront of me out of nowhere. i really didnt see him coming. The rider was wearing aviator shades with the silver reflective sort of lens. (i wonder whether it was Ray Ban). prolly not though. he was a middle-aged man n he was holding out a folded piece of paper. it was really tiny. and started talking to me. like i know. i started freaking out. he mumbled something about nak berkenalan (puh-lease) saje and in that paper was his phone number. he asked me who i was waiting for and i dunno why i even answered him saying i was waiting for my kakak. then i panicked and stood up and walked behind the bus stop though i dunno whether 1 meter away would make much difference. and he started pleading and i said "saya rasa kamu patut beredar sekarang. i dont talk to strangers". i was hoping that by conversing in english he would somehow leave me alone for some reason. Thank God he gave up and left after that. it finally occur to me now that i should have seen his plate number but it never crossed my mind then. Not even 5 seconds later my sister finally arrived. and i was like PHEW! I wont wait at bus stop alone anymore if i can avoid it.

Worst week ever.

I'm in 2nd year of medical school after passing my end of year exam. Just stepped into 2nd year for one week and it's the worst week ever. First they changed my PBL group which is not too bad compared to the next thing that im going to say. On Tuesday, someone stole my bag. I placed my bag in the appropriate place before entering the library along with like 3 dozen other bags there. When i went out of the library to get it, it wasn't there anymore. My WHOLE entire bag was missing along with my wallet and stuff. I almost couldn't believe my luck. Therefore i Lost my IC again and this time was charged Rm110. i could buy a dress with that money. So as you can imagine i wasn't in the mood of studying at all. We are starting of the year with Nervous system and we did the introduction topics and PBL was about Down Syndrome. I'm pretty worried about this year cos I heard it's tougher and if you fail any of the blocks you have to sit for a supplementary test unlike 1st year which just concerns your average. And by the way things are going and if it continues to go on this way, I might have a high likelihood to not do so well. hopefully next week is a better week.

Desperation.

My finals is next week on Monday till Wednesday. this exam is really important because if i fail I'd have to repeat the entire year. I'm nowhere near in completing my revision and definitely can't, not within this short amount of time. Gosh. I was feeling really stressed out just now and felt like it's not such a bad thing if i do repeat. Yup i felt like giving up. but I'm feeling a whole load better and there's still hope. Hope that what i study will come out. It's all bout exam strategies now. I hope it works out for me. Dear readers, please pray along with me that I may pass this exam and remain sane. Amen!